Review: Yelawolf’s Radioactive

 Rap music isn’t colorblind. Unless an artist has an astronomically unique skill or trait, the public will not look past his skin color and simply focus on the music. Eminem was the most successful trying to break down this barrier through his talent and persona. Coincidentally, next up to the plate is Yelawolf, Shady Records and Eminem’s newest protégé. Yelawolf isn’t a new artist by any means. He first broke onto the scene with his critically acclaimed mixtape “Trunk Muzik.” Under Shady Records, Yelawolf will seemingly craft his history of Alabama and quick tongued raps into commercial success. With his first attempt, Catfish Billy brings us “Radioactive.”

Hit the jump to read the full review.

Yelawolf is easily one of the most unique rap artists ever. If you could somehow combine the best elements and sounds of T.I., UGK and Bone Thugz, Yelawolf would emerge under the Gadsden, Alabama sunlight. His early catalog includes many stories told about growing up in Alabama, his struggles through school and relationships, as well as the ins and outs of drug use in his hometown of Gadsden. “Radioactive” combines all of these themes with more recent events of his career, including signing to a major record label and gaining commercial success. Even through all the success and working with Eminem, Yelawolf’s authenticity to his style of music has pushed him to this level. At some points, “Radioactive” seems to fall into some of the traps of commercial trends.

Through the first six songs on the album, I genuinely got the feeling this was turning out to be the best release of the entire year. Each song was perfect in capturing the themes that Yelawolf has built his entire career around: Box Chevy’s, family, alcohol, and community. The introduction injects a pulse to the album, beginning with Yelawolf stating, “I am the American Eagle.” The first single for the album brings Lil’ Jon out from obscurity on “Hard White.” A pure chant anthem, this song delves back into the glory days of when Lil’ Jon was a mainstay on radio stations across the country. Yelawolf has always stated that classic rock and punk rock are just as influential to his music as hip hop. Because of this, it was only right that he enlisted the Detroit native Kid Rock to sing the chorus for “Let’s Roll.” This serves as a dedication record for Yelawolf’s hometown of the south, and could easily become the next big hit for him.

The highly anticipated Eminem feature didn’t disappoint, also working alongside Gangsta Boo on “Throw It Up.” Irony strikes at the end of this song, however. An interlude features a conversation between Eminem and Yelawolf, with the two joking about featuring a love song on the album. Yelawolf has definitely made songs about relationships in the past, with “Love Is Not Enough” serving as a prime example. The sound and abundance of “love songs” on Radioactive depreciate the value of his classic sounds. “Good Girl” and “Write Your Name” see Yelawolf alongside some lackluster guest features on the choruses. One vocal feature that I did really enjoy was in the track “Animal.” Fitting in with the popular dub-step and rap junction we have seen lately, “Animal” is a high energy song employing Fefe Dobson to help out with the hook.

“Radioactive” is really a tale of two sounds. The high energy and strong emotions that are audibly sensed in the first half of the album almost drop off completely towards the end. Two songs specifically, “Everything I Love The Most” and “Radio” manipulate some of Yelawolf’s classic rock influences into a slow and almost boring manner. But to balance those songs out, “Slumerican Shitizen” is an uptempo anthem alongside Killer Mike.

This album absolutely contains every aspect of his career that Yelawolf has stressed as important. He worked alongside Eminem, Mystikal, Lil Jon, Kid Rock, and Killer Mike, who were all influences to his career. The inclusion of choruses sung by other people gave the album too much of a pop and radio sound, when Yelawolf easily could have thrived in reciting the hooks, as he did on “The Last Song.” Though the album musically slowed down towards the end, the content remained perfectly fit throughout the entire listen. A debut album should tell a full story of the artist for new listeners to learn something, and Yelawolf did exactly that. Whether or not you still can’t get over the sound of Yelawolf’s unique and sharp rhymes, he will be around the industry for a long time. “Radioactive” is a step in the right direction for a long career. 

Review: Drake’s Take Care

In Straight Fresh’s newest installment in our album review series, up next is “Take Care” by Drake. There is a clear division from everyone I’ve spoken to on how they felt about the album. Read more after the break to see how I felt about it. Mind you, I’m not Drake’s biggest fan in the world. If you feel the need to slander someone or share your opinion, @EscobarFreeman is the name.

It would be an understatement to say that “Take Care” by Drake is the most anticipated album of 2011. In the same year that Jay-Z, Kanye West, Lil’ Wayne and Eminem all dropped albums, I’d argue that the sophomore release by Drake is the biggest, or at least the most talked about, of the bunch. As one of the most popular artists in the genre, Drake has seen a large amount of his success this year through selected cameos on other artists’ hit records. Though he is still a relatively new artist compared to others, listeners and music fans all around the world have enough material to form an opinion on the rapper from Toronto.

Fans of Drake praise him for his song-writing ability and versatility through singing. Critics of Drake point to a wide array of emotions plaguing his tracks, to the point where it can barely be called rap anymore. I consider myself a proud member of the latter. Now, let’s get into the album.

Drake has built his career off of two main themes in his music. On one end, he constantly outlines his rise to success and fortunes, but also how lonely it is at the top both musically and socially. Ex-girlfriends and relationships of the past are prevalent staples of Drake’s catalog. I was foolish in thinking this second album would be anything other than those themes.

The album’s lead song, “Over My Dead Body” immediately states those two concepts in its opening bars. There are a number of songs that tell stories of Drake’s overly dramatic past relationships, which have mostly been with strippers or dancers.

At times, I felt like I was listening to the exact same song, just continued through the album on different production. “Shot For Me” is Drake’s personal “Yeezy Taught Me” moment. “Take Care,” “Marvin’s Room,” “Doing It Wrong” and “The Real Her” are all about reflecting upon different struggles in past relationships. One or two songs would have done justice, but this many is excessive. Given that this is all typically Drake, I was naive not to expect the elevated levels of emotions and crooning.

Thankfully, it’s not entirely a slow and dramatic R&B album. The songs “Underground Kings” and “We’ll Be Fine” both have a smooth bounce that provide for a more conventional hip-hop sound. One R&B inspired song that does impress is “Crew Love,” featuring The Weeknd, an esoteric and very talented artist. “HYFR” is next up in the long line of Drake and Lil Wayne collaborations. Drake does a magic trick at the beginning of this song. He manages to hide the actual content of the lyrics with a fluid and rapid delivery, masking more boring talk about his history of drunk text regrets, “and that’s when I text her and told her I love it, And right after texting, told her I’m faded.”

Inconsistency on this album left me puzzled. A soothing and heartfelt tribute to Drake’s mother and uncle is the focus of “Look What You’ve Done,” a side of Drake as a person that we haven’t necessarily seen before. On this same album, Drake ruined a classic Juvenile song by sucking the life out of “Back That A** Up” and calling it “Practice.” The clear highlight of this album was the Just Blaze produced “Lord Knows.” Everything Just Blaze touches turns to gold. This beat is theatrically breathtaking, and the Rick Ross feature makes it even better.

Interestingly enough, on “Lord Knows,” Drake said, “If all I hear is me then who should I be afraid of?” Drake has gone on record saying that he felt he was alone at the top, with no real competition (which also was the inspiration for the album cover). It’s ironic he said that because the two best verses on “Take Care” don’t come from Drake personally. Kendrick Lamar offers a gem on “Buried Alive” and Andre 3000 shows up Drake at his own style in “The Real Her”.

If this album was simply a group of instrumentals, I would easily give it a perfect rating. The music carries a story from track to track as if narrating a screenplay. Unfortunately, Drake interrupts this motion picture with tales that he has already told us on previous projects.

I don’t hate the album at all. I was just disappointed in the lack of progression as far as the content goes. Compared to his last release, “Thank Me Later,” it was almost the exact same story with a polished and more sophisticated sound. Since Drake is in the prime of his career, we should surely expect at least one more album. At this point, don’t expect anything different whenever that comes out. 

Review: Mac Miller’s Blue Slide Park

 This is our first official review in StraightFresh history. A lot of people have been looking forward to Blue Slide Park and my thoughts on his Mac’s debut album can be found after the jump. Enjoy!

We have seen some monstrous album drops this year. Among the heavyweights, Jay-Z, Kanye West, Lil’ Wayne and Drake, on paper it almost seems impossible to compete in such a market. But new artists have developed a formula to fight against these veterans and pave their own way into the industry.

This plan that many new artists have mastered is comprised of giving away plenty of free music, heavy blogging and Twitter activity, and constantly performing and touring. One of the biggest beneficiaries of this scheme has been 19-year-old Mac Miller. With over 1 million followers on Twitter, Miller has gained a cult following of high school and college kids. The Pittsburgh native has had plenty of success already, and a debut album is the one thing he needs to make the jump from Internet sensation to polished artist. What a coincidence: “Blue Slide Park” came out this week. To most other artists, being sandwiched between releases by Wale and Drake is a recipe for a debut album’s suicide. Luckily for Miller, his fans are loyal, young and very impressionable. Now onto the music.

With Miller, listeners have come to expect a certain consistency from project to project. His lyrics have always been heavily focused on girls, partying and tales from high school. “Blue Slide Park” is no different, which isn’t necessarily a good thing. At only 19 with no real industry experiences yet Miller is in a unique situation. What else is he going to make songs about other than buying sneakers and drinking?

In the song “Frick Park Market,” Miller says, “I got my own stickers now so literally I’m everywhere, 100 different shoes still feel the need to cop a fresher pair.” Not the most eloquent of lyrics, but this is the essence of what Miller has built his career on: self-promotion, connection to fans and trend setting.

There is nothing too outstanding about the lyrics as a whole on “Blue Slide Park,” but Miller’s delivery and track presence have always been his strongest attributes and a diversion from his immature songwriting abilities. Check out the title track “Blue Slide Park” for an example of turning sub-par lyrics into deliverable rhymes. Following suit with plenty of rap releases lately, some of the songs are dedicated to that one girl from an artist’s past that he can’t let go. “Missed Calls” is a prime example of such reflective crooning, so listen up if that’s what you’re into.

I’ve never been, and still am not a huge advocate for Mac Miller as a rapper. But I’ve always commended his choices in production. He has a good ear for picking beats to complement, and sometimes carry his rhymes. “Blue Slide Park” features some really heavy beats that carry a smooth transition from track to track. Some of the more rugged beats are contrasted by Miller’s playful and cheery lyrics, creating a pretty unique sound. Examples of this come on both “Smile Back” and “Loitering.” This album definitely lacks the “golden era” hip-hop sound that Miller has backed for his entire career. “Party on Fifth Ave” fits that role perfectly, but songs like “Up All Night” and “Man in the Hat” find Miller trying too hard to soften his sound and appeal to the crossover audience.

Debut albums are supposed to be an introduction to the complete background of the artist, and this was accomplished by Miller bringing listeners back to his home. You could say that this album lacks the content needed to compete with veteran artists. You could also say that Miller sounds too similar from track to track. Any previous judgments you had about the immaturity of the young rapper could be backed up with some of the songs on “Blue Slide Park.” But this release is way bigger than just the music. This album is a statement for upcoming independent artists worldwide. However, many scans this album racks up will be a direct representation of the hard work and commitment to independence that the Miller camp has. It is indeed possible to be successful without a major label deal. Hundreds of concerts and millions of YouTube views later, Mac Miller finally breaks through with what could be one of the most commercially successful independent rap albums in a long time. He introduced the snapback hat to suburban kids all across the country, so expect the fans to repay him with a high number of first week album sales. 

@BigGhostFase Reviews Drake’s Take Care

The Drake slander has always been at sky high levels whenever @BigGhostFase has encountered his music. But this is the review that everyone’s been waiting for. Will Phantom Raviolis actually enjoy Drizzy’s album? It’s a long review but definitely worth the read. Hit the cut to read on.

Previous: @BigGhostFase Reviews ASAP Rocky’s Live.Love.A$AP

“Ayo whattup yall…the Hands of Zeus aka Thor Molecules aka Phantom Raviolis aka Cocaine Biceps… otherwise known as The Blog King n the Inventor of the Slap…is now officially back in the building namsayin. As summa yalls already kno…the god aint really no big  fan of the nigga whose album Im bout to discuss nahmean. But Imma give this shit a unbiased real ass nigga persective yo. Imma ga’head n introduce the nigga now namsayin. Ayo…kinda like ya boy Big Ghost…son goes by many names b…Drizzy or Aubrey or jus Aubs…n the Artist Formerly Known as Wheelchair Jimmy nahmean. But yalls might know him as The Kitten Whisperer aka The Harvester of Pauses aka The Taio Cruz of Hip Hop aka Young Garnier Fructis the pre-cum baby aka Jennifer Aniston’s favorite emcee….n the muthafucka most likely to have a gateway to Narnia in his closet aka The Michael Buble of Rap or that nigga witta beatin vagina for a heart that you be hearin on the radio sandwiched between Katy Perry n Lady Gaga joints all day aka Justin Biebers beard n the only nigga on earth capable of turnin sandpaper into moist towelettes wit the touch of his hands…the vagina nectar-garglin nigga who makes lambs look dangerous hisself…..otherwise known as the Human Electric Slide… OctobVariesOwn….Drake. Now I promise yall…I aint got no expectations or plans to hate on this nigga unless the shit jus so happens to be wack nahmean…Word is bond. Truth is…I aint really got nothin against son like that yo. Aight lets go…

Ayo fuck this nigga b. First off…this nigga gotta stop wit this lonely mobster image he tryin to portray these days yo. This nigga said this shit was bout him feelin like he a king tho. Son said “I used to stare at this world through a glass window and, like, two to three years later, I become a king in that world. That’s who’s sitting on that cover…” They give this nigga a muthafuckin goblet n a table for one witta candle n a bronze owl n now he runnin rap? Nigga ya respect from ya peers is as deep as the success you got in the mainstream. Aint nobody in rap lookin up to you like that cos you dope. Your success is whats dope to these niggas son. King tho? Fuck outta here b.

1. Over My Dead Body – A forreal….this sounds like the soundtrack to some Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants type shit son. I forget who the broad he got singin the hook on this muthafucka is…but i think its Renee Zellweger or some shit. I feel like Im inside a Barnes & Noble or a Starbucks b… This joint is more light in the ass than the fushigi gravity balls you see in those infomercials at 3 in the mornin son. But yo…how the first words that this nigga got the nerve to utter on this muthafuckin album gon be “I think I killed errybody in the game last year man”? Pardon me son? Word? You mean the same year that Kanye dropped another classic album in…while yo overrated ass uhhh….DID NOT? That year b? You mean the year when niggas predicted you was gon do a milli the first week out n you did 450k instead…n then a few days later Eminem dropped n he did like 750k in HIS first week n kept YOU from gettin back to the top of the charts? The same year that Em n Jigga won all the Grammys YOU was spose to take home? THAT year son? Oh.

2. Shot For Me – I dont even know what to say b. Like forreal…after hearin this shit…I wouldnt be surprised if this nigga could pollinate a flower wit his fuckin breath son. Im pretty sure that son gets up in the morning n plays his harp for his cats n then slides down the muthafuckin banister in his satin man nightie n has a full glass of breast milk before he goes to the studio n hammers out some pooned out shit like this b. Sons talkin to a broad thru the whole song on some bitter shit n at one point the nigga even says “The way you walk…thats me. The way you talk…thats me. The way you got your hair up…did you forget? Thats me” Son… Thats you? Aight then… But the boy aint done yet yo…at the end of the joint he proposes a toast. This is how that shit go…

“May your neigbors respect you

Trouble neglect you, angels protect you

And Heaven accept you”.

Ayo I gotta toast for you too Drake…”May you shut the fuck up”

3. Headlines – Lets be real…lotta yall muthafuckas dont wanna accept that this shit was a crime against heterosexuality…but thats cool. Yall feel like the human croissant did his thing on this shit. I respect that. But anyways…the god already had a few thoughts on this shit a few months ago namsayin. Yall can peep that shit rite HERE

4. Crew Love (ft The Weeknd) – Ayo I been startin to accept that maybe ALL these joints is gon be bitchmade son. Truth is I fucks wit The Weeknd tho b. The music on this shit aint that bad…but it aint really no kinda beat namsayin. But then here come Young Angel talmbout havin “soldiers” n niggas “who came up off the strip” for him n “come up off the hip” for him if he need em to. I mean……jus stop that shit son. Niggas kno ya pedigree b. Like you wasnt the little nigga ridin ponies n doin cartwhels in the backyard livin that upperclass suburban life before you became a Canadian teen soap opera star n shit b. Now you the nigga tuckin napkins in ya shirt while you eat cos you “mobbin like that” n orderin hits on niggas who disrespect you…jus stop it Aubrey. Son said “I think I like who Im becoming…” Im sayin the boy Aubs is startin to feel hisself a little too much b. Anyways son…when I thinks of Crew Love I think bout Beanie Sigel movin J Cole’s mentor out his way so he could body the fuck outta a glorious ass beat while Jiggaman in his prime delivers a hook that sticks to ya ribs namsayin. Thats what Im gon always think of son…

5. Take Care – Is this shit house? This shits like some kinda African disco shit b. Nothin wrong witta nigga gettin his international on but sons spittin those cream-filled bars again. Ayo son actually dropped the words “tears all over the pillowcase” namsayin…like I aint even had to make that shit up b. But dont worry ma…Aubrey got his cape on again …tellin the broads of the world exactly what yall spose to be thinkin n feelin n how “Somebody shouldve told you something…to save you“. The moisture levels on this shit got clouds formin over my speakers b.

“Pushin me away so I give her space

dealin witta heart I didnt break

I be there for you, I will care for you

I keep thinkin you jus dont kno…”

6. Marvin’s Room/Buried Alive [Interlude] (ft Kendrick Lamar) – Aka the “Player HATER’S Anthem”. This nigga jus gon use bein drunk as a green light to talk to a broad while her man aint around n tell her that son aint shit. This is what little marshmallow ass muthafuckas do tho. Word. Now clown ass niggas is gon try n justify this shit as son jus dealin wit real nigga emotions n shit…or like he aint afraid to jus be honest. Nah. Fuck ya real emotions b. Thats like sayin “oh son was jussa little tipsy off them 4 flirtinis he had n so he dropped dime on his mans who was violatin his parole but he was jus dealin wit some real nigga emotions…” Nah yo. Fuck THIS nigga b. But my dude Kendrick Lamar continuin his streak of rockin on other niggas high profile joints n stealin the whole spotlight from em by spittin the illest shit on the album. Problem is that the genius nigga that sequenced these joints tacked the muthafuckin interlude onto the end of this bullshit ass song yo…so you gotta either sit thru this audio progesterone ey’time or fast forward thru the muthafuckin lotion dispensatizing takin place jus to hear that muthafucka son. Im tellin you tho son….this nigga BEEN alignin hisself wit the niggas he most threatened by…the muthafuckas he sees comin for a piece of HIS pie nahmean. Yall jus aint seein it. He wanna keep muthafuckas like The Weeknd under his wing for a reason b. Theres a reason why son had J Coles ass openin for him (pause?) on tour. Theres a reason why son got Kendrick n ASAP Rocky openin for his ass on THIS tour b. These niggas might appreciate what son doin for em…but I see what the insecure shook nigga who be goin thru broads purses while they in the bathroom is doin son. Imma need somebody to edit Aubrey off this track for me tho…

7. Underground Kings – Imma speak on this speak on this song one time one time Awwwwh. The beat is kinda trill. Yeah the beat is kinda trill Awwwhhhhhhh. But ahh cant take how son raps…no not even a liiiitlebit. Not even a liiiiittlebit. Naw ahh don’t really giiiiveashit. Nawwwwww…

Cos really ahh dont giveashit. They – keep – tellin – me that – ahh – jus – need – to – learn – to – giiiveashit. Maybe if you was in my shoes youd kno why ahh jus cant giiiiveashit. Ahh think its deliberate. Yeah ahh think its deliberate.

This song is too much homosex. Bwoy ahh aint into homosex. This nigga is so homosex….nothin against homosexuawwwwwwwls….But ah dont give a fuck what boobie say. He – might – be – cool – wit – Bun – but – nigga – Aubrey – aint – no -U-G-K….

Nawwww…..cos nigga you be gay. Ah – think- that – the – whole – world – thinkin – you be into bootie play Ahh….Nigga ahh jus think this songiswack…I – wasted – 3 – whole – minutes – of – my – life – nigga…I wannumback Ackhhh

8. We’ll Be Fine – This shit got some bump to it. I was thinkin Young Angel might even try n lace this shit yo. This nigga jus lazy as fuck now tho son. Say what you want bout this niggas inability to display masculine tendencies n shit par..but son use to kno how to rap kinda namsayin. The nigga aint exactly spittin those sewage bars he been slidin to Wayne…but son had a few Carter 4-worthy moments on this shit too yo. “I heard you got your ways…I never woulda known. She said “yer such a dog…I said yer such a bone”.

Birdman gettin his handrub on all over the end of this shit too. Shit had niggas worried cos he sounded like he was bout to rap….instead the nigga jus did his best to paint this nigga witta gangster brush…..”Toronto stand up for one of the realest niggas…Drizzy wit the realest flow…y’kno? Toast to this gangsta shit fellas….” Word yo…jus look at this gangsta ass nigga….

“And shout out to Toronto bitch Im Tony in my city”

9. Umso Umso Umso Umso Usmo Proud of You (ft Nicki Minaj) – I aint even mad at this beat son…but the shit this nigga be sayin yo….”I love it when your hair still wet cos you jus took a shower…runnin on a treadmill n only eating salad…sound so smart like you graduated college”. I cant even stomach that shit b. Son always gotta be on some “Gurl you kno you look yo best when you jus gettin up in the morning n you got them creases on yo face from yo pillow n that crusty shit all in yo eyes cos thats the real you gurl awwwwwhhh” shit.  That or he feedin broads that “you aint even kno how special you is cos other niggas dont be noticin it…but I do” shit. Ayo pardon me if you a female that happens to fall for this cornball shit…but most niggas DO be knowin bout these muthafuckin covert broad tactics namsayin. This nigga tellin you what you wanna hear n throwin all the other niggas you talk to under the bus….n got you convinced that he actually feel that way ma. Son be preyin on the weak. The nigga jus gon parallel park his top down bitchmobile on the track n do nothin but wait for these low self esteem havin broads to come flyin across the hood of his shit n take that bait. But its whatever namsayin. Let this nigga get his false Beyonce female empowerment on. But that hook son. Ayo is this nigga still attached to a placenta sack b?

10. Lord Knows (ft Rick Ross) – Anybody remember the last time Just Blaze produced a wack joint now? This beat is some incredible shit my nigga. Rozay does his thing too…n if I couldnt understand what the homie Young Playtex was sayin…I would say his shit was aight too. But listen to this niggas bars son…..

 “So Im goin thru her phone if she go to the bathroom n her purse rite there…I dont trust these hoes at all”

“Thats why I walk around wit all this gold on…n every time I run into these niggas they want no problems”

“They take the greats from the past n compare us…I wonder if theyd ever survive in this era”

“I know of all the things that I hear they be pokin fun at…never the flow…they kno I run that”

“Im a descendant of either Marley or Hendrix”

“Im hearin all of the jokes…I kno they tryna push me…I kno that showin emotion dont ever mean Im pussy”

“A lot of niggas came up off a style that I made up…but if all I hear is me …then who should I be afraid of?”.

But yo..I fucks wit this joint son. Real talk tho…I woulda fucked wit it even if there was no vocals until the Bawse comes in n gets his ignorant on anyways. If somebody gets me a instrumental of this joint Imma jus play the shit outta that muthafucka too son. Matter fact Im lookin forward to hearin OTHER niggas body this shit namsayin (no…not you Papoose). Cos son gave this nigga one of the top 3 beats of the year nahmean. Plus Just Blaze beats is like jeggings son….they can make almost any bitch ass look good.

11. Cameras/Good Ones Go (Interlude) – That Jon B I hear son? Anyways this nigga jus gon get his Lil Tunechi froggy flow on now. At the end of the day this is jus some more of that “Here nigga hold my purse music” that son been specializin in for the last few years. But its almost like a cherub came n whispered in the niggas ear after he recorded this shit n told him “Son…this shit aint moist enough b…you need to come do a duet wit me now” for the interlude…

“Dont you go gettin married…dont you go get engaged

I know youre gettin older…dont have no time to waste

I shouldnt be much longer…but you shouldnt have to wait

Cant lose you..cant help it…Im sorry Im so selfish”

12. Doing it Wrong (ft Stevie Wonder) – This nigga jus took bitchassedness in hip hop to a whole new level on this one b. Like son jus discovered new frontiers in softness that aint nobody EVER explored my nigga. I cant even believe what the fuck this dude sayin yo.

“When a good thing goes bad its not the end of the world…its jus the end of a world that you had wit one girl”

No dignity whatsoever b. None. ZERO son. Not a single solitary snowflake of fuckin decorum left in this nigga. I tried to type out the muthafuckin words to the hook n that delicate ass shit jus floated off the screen when I did it yo…so you jus gon have to listen to that shit yaself son. This nigga gotta orchard of pauses blossoming all over this muthafucka. If yall enjoy these audio vagina injections thats cool…but I cant fuck wit this shit nahmean. I kno son is legedary as fuck…but Stevie playin his harmonica over that shit at the end dont mean shit to me neither b.  Might also be time for my dude to jus think bout lettin go of those braids already par. Those muthafuckas start like 8 inches further back than they did in the 80s nahmean. No disrespect to the legend but Im jus sayin b…

13. The Real Her (ft Lil Wayne & Andre 3000) – Now its time for this niggas ode to savin strippers. Havin 3 Stacks on this joint dont make this shit any less unacceptable b. But whenever the citizens of Los Hopeless get tired of lettin niggas slip singles down the crack of they asses they jus flash that muthafuckin vagina spotlight up on the clouds n wait for this nigga to slide down a rainbow witta cape on his back n a tote bag full of sweaters he jus finished crocheting to come save they asses son. The boy Drake is fightin on the front lines of the war for  keepin broads from takin they clothes off for money b. This nigga saves more hoes before 9 am than most niggas gon save in they whole life namsayin.

14. HYFR [Hell Ya Fuckin Right] (ft Lil Wayne) – If this muffin-top havin ass nigga wasnt jus squirtin out another sonnet bout the same shit n talmbout textin a broad the whole time I woulda said son killed the first 40 seconds of this muthafucka. Anyways yo….I dont hate this shit. I mean…I dont really fuck wit it like that neither…but I aint mad at it yo. Im sayin I dont see myself wantin to smack a nigga witta light post or nothin if he play this shit in front of me or nothin. Like I dont feel like I gotta slap a nigga into another realm of the universe n go seed his broad up if he accidentally lets this shit come thru the speakers namsayin. I aint gon necessarily throw a volcano at a nigga if he got this shit playin in his crib n I can hear the muthafucka nahmean. I mean…thats definitely some kinda improvement over the rest of this bullshit yo.

15. Look What You’ve Done – Im havin Sideline Story flashbacks b. This nigga nearly put me to sleep wit this shit yo…but this shit probably one of the better joints on this muthafucka still. Its like this nigga on a roll now wit back to back joints thats still kinda bitchmade but not as horrible as all the other bitchmade shit on this album nahmean. You could even say that if son jus did more bitchass shit like this instead of the other bitchass shit he do…he would be aight. This shit is so delicate that playin it out loud wit no headphones actually jus made my clothes softer b. But it was definitely a step in the slightly less bitchnigga direction for son.

16. Practice – The fuck is this shit b? This nigga turned Back That Azz Up into a ballad? Thats like some shit only a rape nigga coulda imagined son. Anyways b…the message to this muthafuckin joint is basically that all the other niggas that this broad done fucked wit was jus practice for her…for when she would eventually meet Aubrey’s beige ass n be able to show him what she done learned namsayin. Again yo…Im sayin…who says shit like that? Wack ass creepy rape type niggas is who b. Niggas who hang out by the pool at night time n scare broads away…like this nigga rite here…

17. The Ride (ft The Weeknd) – Ayo my illegally downloaded version of this muthafucka aint come wit this track par.

18. The Motto – So niggas is really still jerkin yo? Son…this shit jus makes me wanna hurt innocent creatures b. I might  need to go punt my neighbor’s dog across the fuckin block jus to relieve my muthafuckin tension after listenin to this bullshit rite here again son. This shit was like havin herpes in my ears b. You might only live once son…but apparently you can keep makin gay ass music forever if you wanna.

So thats the whole album son…or what Im gon refer to as that cascading waterfall of invisible dicks that sons fans call his music. Swear this nigga got  the most forgiving fans on earth tho b. The nigga gets that exotic budgie tatted on his shoulder…”Nah chill…he jus doin him son”. The nigga drops a million odes to savin broads…”Ayo chill…son jus tryna live par”. The nigga starts rockin sweaters from 1983 Sears catalogs n shows up to awards shows wearin grandmother cardigans made from old sofas…”Nah chill…son jus stayin tru to hisself”…Im sayin b…the nigga could show up at a awards show wearin a unitard n niggas would still be like…”Jus let that nigga do him….he jus doin him son”. Yall muthafuckas should be ashamed of yallselves tho….for lettin it come to this shit in the first place namsayin. Yall LET this niggas get to the top like that. Im talkin to niggas who emcee too. Yall done allowed this nigga to come in the door…n now he done opened the floodgates to a million other soft ass muthafuckas jus like him son. Ayo nobody disrespected Father MC n Candyman like that back in the day b. Them niggas was makin careers outta droppin soft ass shit too. Dudes aint try to crush they whole existence or nothin…but niggas aint exactly say “Ayo Father MC n Candyman yall niggas should be showin the rest of us muthafuckas what direction to take Hip Hop in yo…”. But I dont even blame Drake b. That nigga SHOULD  be able to have his lane. Its all good son. I hate that niggas music n he definitely that corny nigga at the club who pops open a bottle of champagne n then sniffs the cork…but he allowed to follow his dreams b. But yall niggas put that muthafucka on a pedestal. Like I said b…I dont blame Aubrey tho. Drake is what happens when ya son is conceived during a period week namsayin. That nigga was jus conceived on the wrong end of a menstrual cycle yo. These niggas gon always exist bruh. But I aint no follower son.  If I dont like some shit…I dont jus rock wit it cos thats what broads be listenin to… n cos I want broads to be feelin me. Thats like sprayin yaself wit perfume jus cos chicks be enjoyin that shit…Yall effeminate ass niggas smarten up. Niggas always callin Drizzy homo tho. Im sayin yo…I dont think thats even the case b. N if it was…I aint judgin the nigga based on none of that yo. I mean…maybe son is kinda homo-esque. But either way par…this niggas masculinity been terminally ill for a hot minute now…that shits been on life support since Thank Me Later dropped b. But Im sure that muthafucka done kicked the bucket forreal wit this album son. If you niggas cop retail versions of this shit dont  forget to take the cd in for a yearly pap smear b. Ayo fuck this shit son. Aight peace.

By the way yo…Imma give this shit…

1 Zeus Slap outta 5

or

5 Drake Pinky Salutes outta 5 

Take ya pick b.”

– @BigGhostFase

@BigGhostFase Reviews ASAP Rocky’s Live.Love.A$AP

I haven’t had the time to listen to A$AP’s newest project, but who better to describe what it’s all about then @BigGhostFase himself. Check out his site here.

Previous: Wale’s Ambition Review

“Ayo whattup its the Hands of Zeus back in the building nahmean aka Phantom Raviolis aka The Panty Melter aka Cocaine Biceps the inventor of the slap. Word is bond Imma skip all that other talk n get right down to the bone gristles namsayin. I had this shit sittin in my iTunes for a hot minute now n I still aint really listen to that muthafucka without no distractions all the way thru yo. So Im bout to give this ASAP Rocky joint a real  thoro ass Zeus Hands inspection n give yalls the prognosis one time namsayin. Im sure by now a lot of yall already heard The Purple Swag or Pe$o joints…or maybe one of them older freestyles son dropped when he was still on some Kanyeezy type shit. Either way tho…son done come a long way from that shit…n he been movin his pieces on the chessboard correct yo. Son jus got hisself a 3 million dollar record deal even. Im sayin…my dude even on tour wit the Harvester of Pauses hisself  now nahmean. Regardles of how I feel bout that boy Aubrey… it was a smart business move so I cant really front yo. But son might need to chill far as how he be puttin that nigga on a pedestal namsayin. Matter fact the dude said some shit bout how he would slap a nigga for that boy Drizzy. I aint kno what would possess homeboy to say some Captain Save a Hoe type shit like that but he did b. N even tho that kinda shit sound way too romantic for a dude to be sayin out the blue bout some effeminate ass nigga…we aint gon necessarily hold it against sons music. We gon jus pretend that the young brother aint play hisself wit that shit n let his music speak for itself namsayin.

Im sayin tho…”Club Paradise”?…Shit sounds mad homogenized b.

1. Palace – Ayo this a fresh ass way to start ya joint off son. Homie aint no beast or nothin but he aint no slouch neither. I also appreciate that son be acknowledgin how he jockin the fuck outta that Houston shit too. But I respect the sound cos he still puttin a NY twist on that shit. This muthafucka gon have little niggas runnin up in Walgreens rackin all the Benadryl n Nyquils tryin to get they lean on tho nahmean. Little niggas is gon be fallin asleep on the sidewalk from that shit all across the country. It aint always easy to cop that promethazine when you need it namsayin…little niggas jus improvise. Ayo this sounds like some Black Hippy meets Bone Thugs meets ATLiens meets actual aliens type shit to me. Word is bond… I digs this shit son.

2. Pe$o – This that joint that kinda gives you some idea of what Wiz Khagina would sound like if he still had a little talent n dignity left b. I still fucks wit this shit even tho I think I kinda heard it enough times now son. This beat is mad hypnotic yo. You can jus zone n imagine gettin pulled around the streets of Shanghai in a rickshaw by golden pandas or whatever when you hear some shit like this yo. This aint the kinda beat you need to go hammer on tho. You dont wanna be tryna murder this type a shit par. This the kinda beat you jus ride nahmean. You make love to this kinda beat namsayin…you dont be tryna sodomize a beat like this yo. You aint gotta blow its back out. You wanna caress some shit like this par. N son understands that less is more on a joint like this nahmean.

STRUGGLE ON A HUNDRED THOUSAND TRILLION

3. Bass –  By this track I be thinkin ok maybe son need to slow down on that Darth Vader voice that Pac use to OD on back in his Strictly For My N.I.G.G.A.Z. days. You dont gotta screw down all this shit bruh. Might be a little toooooo much Houston shit happenin now b. But I fucks wit this still. Son definitely more style than substance tho…but that shit was never no secret nahmean. I aint really expectin him to spit no complex ass Pharoahe Monch type shit namsayin. If you aint no crazy intelligent nigga like that you shouldnt even be tryin to kick knowledge anyways yo. Nobody wanna hear dumb niggas tryin to drop jewelz. Thats why we got stupid ass niggas like Soulja Boy…who got the intelligence of a goldfish…tryin to get they KRS-One on. That nigga tried to get political n he jus ended up sayin some retarded shit like ‘fuck the troops”. Then he like “Wait…whuhhh? You mean yalls aint cool wit my ratchet bonjanglin ass sayin “fuck the troops’? But they aint like po-leeeese doh?” Nah you mongoloid ass nigga…stick to superman’n hoes n crankin n twerkin or whatever it is a grown nigga wit the intelligence of a toddler be doin. Scientists told that muthafucka that he only had 430 brain cells n the nigga thought “daaaaaayyyymmmmmmn thats a lot mayne”… Anyways I forgot what I was sayin… but I like this joint son.

4. Wassup – this beat sounds like some straight Kendrick Lamar n Schoolboy Q type shit b. The beat sound like when you be nice off a fifth of that Goose n you start sniffin a little coke so you dont fall asleep but then that shit dont really be mixin too good wit the dust joint you was takin pulls off 2 hours before that n you start feelin like you walkin down these empty hallways n ey’thing be echoing n soundin extra close to your eardrums n you start seein shit that cant be real like dinosaurs liftin weights n niggas rockin durags n Avirex jackets who got open books in front of them n shit namsayin…word…but I think thats what I likes bout this song yo.

5. Brand New Guy (ft Schoolboy Q)- I aint even know my nigga Q was actually on this mixtape til like 5 minutes ago yo. Q’s flow is jus so disrespectful son. You can already tell this nigga don’t hold no doors open for old ladies or chew wit his mouth closed yo. Son dont give a microfuck b. These Niggas sound like they could be in a group together tho. Not in the way that Pras was in Fugees n niggas was like “Ay why this nigga even in the group?”…but like…these dudes got actual chemistry on the track n shit. I fucks wit this shit heavy son.

6. Purple Swag Chapter 2 (ft Spaceghost & ASAP Nast) – This shits basically jus the original witta couple extra niggas jumpin on the shit wit him nahmean. I cant really tell all these ASAP niggas apart like that but them niggas all seem decent anyways namsayin. Niggas is switchin shit up n soundin like the one chubby muthafucka in Bone Thugs who cant really rap as fast as the rest of the niggas in the group but still be spittin. Like I said tho…these niggas aint really here to separate protons n neutrons from electrons n rap math equations over the beat like that nerd nigga Canibus or nothin namsayin. Forreal tho….I respect the ignorance they droppin on this shit son. 

7. Get Lit (ft Fat Tony) – Outta all these laid back ass joint…this one gotta be the most laid back one so far son. I mean…this shit is almost gentle b. I aint mad at it but this aint the kinda shit I be listenin to unless I dont plan on doin shit for like a week straight namsayin. This muthafucka can have niggas fallin asleep at the wheel n rollin they whips into bus stops n pedestrians…so it definitely aint no shit for the ride son. This that shit for when you end up gettin so high that you cant even move ya limbs n you gotta coach yaself on how to open ya mouth so that you can call ya mans to come help you get up off the couch cos you feelin like you bout to start urinating on yaself any minute namsayin. 

8. Trilla (ft ASAP Twelvy & ASAP Nast) – Ayo I still cant really tell none of these ASAP niggas apart like that namsayin…but this joint is my favorite shit on this muthafucka so far son. I played this shit 5 times in a row jus now yo. Word is bond…that beat is a menace my nigga. This like some shit where you jus be picturin yaself ridin across the desert in one of those Mad Max type joints wit the armor plates n the big ass wheels n shit n you got like 2 broads rockin black leather bikinis wit some furry thigh high boots on n fly ass blowout afros n these vultures is circlin above yall while the sun is settin n the sky be lookin all orange n burgundy n shit namsayin……..n you got like gargoyles on Harley Davidson’s shootin ya whip up so you gotta like start doin donuts n shit to make big ass clouds of smoke n dust start appearin so you can  park ya shit n hop out n start blammin em muthafuckas n throwin grenades or whatever nahmean…but suddenly the ground starts to shake n cracks open n you start seein the core of the earth n some dragons made outta fire start to emerge from the flames n be swoopin over you n shit so you gotta look to the clouds n summon the angels from the heavens to come help you handle these niggas but then you see like a sorcerer who got lightning comin outta they eyes n shit he be strikin the angels wit the lightning from his eyes n so you start thinkin bout how can you approach the nigga from behind (pause) n strangle the muthafucka nahmean…so you be doin like somersaults n rollin across the ground to camouflage yaself wit the earth as you approach the sorcerer n he aint noticin you so you spring up n try to yoke the nigga n he fightin back n now lightnin bolts is shootin out the niggas hands n he tryin to maneuver outta the choke hold so you gotta like flip the muthafucka in the air n he go flyin n then he lands on top of one of those pointy ass rocks that look like upside down icicles n shit…n he explodes n all the gargoyles n dragons n shit start freezin while they fightin against the angels n then they turn to like black ashy statues n crumble or whatever…n then the two broads start dancin on top of the hood of the car n they start doin lesbian shit nahmean. Word yo.

9. Keep It G (ft Chace Infinite & Spaceghost Purrp) So we got Chace Infinite droppin some know-the-ledge for these little niggas on the intro n then Rocky spits his bars. This beat is type slowmo son. Shit sounds like some old Black Moon shit wit some Sade sprinkled on top. Shit is mad laid back yo. Then this Spaceghost nigga takes the second verse namsayin. Ayo son sounds like he jus learned to rap 3 hours ago b. I aint even sayin he wack…he jus dont sound like he kno how to rap yo. Son kinda be soundin like a high pitched MC Eiht…I fucks wit this joint tho. 

Jus 2 grown shirtless niggas on one bike yo…at least son aint ridin on the back of it…

10. Kissin Pink (ft ASAP Ferg) – That hypnotic shit is back yo. This shit jus sounds like drugs son. I mean a lot of these joints be havin that Houston influence namsayin. Niggas is talkin bout all that purple drank shit n be havin that chopped n screwed feel…so its mad obvious that thats what son be vibin off of on his free time…but this shit got that boom bap feel too. Shit kinda sounds like a 90s joint…but futuristic at the same time nahmean. It aint my favorite shit or nothin but Tone definitely aint mad at it son.

11. Houston Old Head – This is jus even more of that laid back g. Ayo personally I was thinkin that son coulda used a more uptempo type joint by this point jus to switch shit up a little…but that aint even the problem son. I swear this shit sounds like Medium Sean doin a Kanye impersonation yo. I jus kept waitin for son to say “Oh thats yo GIRL? I imaginary fucked yo GIRL? Boi? I do it.”…word…I aint really feelin this shit like that b.

12. Acid Drip – Aight so you could probably guess that shit was gon be some more drugged out shit by that song title. I aint mad…but this shit too laid back for me again son. I mean its cool…jus not my type a shit. He dont need to start gettin his Bussa Bus on or nothin…but shit jus went from slow to slower to fuck it Imma throw the shit in neutral n if the muthafucka wanna keep rollin it can son…Its aight tho. I jus dont feel nothin from it nahmean.

13. Leaf (ft Main Attrakionz) – Now this some shit I jus straight up fucks wit b. This still that slow n laid back shit but theres some muscle on this joint son. My dude sharin how a lot of muthafuckas feel when he says he “sick of all these hipsters” too. Son also acknowledgin how niggas say he sound like Yeezy n Wiz on this shit…which aint even really how he sound on 90% of these joints…but its whatever nahmean. I swear I heard that homo ass Wiz laugh in the background durin the hook tho. The other niggas aint really doin nothin too crazy lyrically… but Rocky came wit that good shit namsayin. This shit got a couple rewinds from the god already b.

14. Roll One Up – Ayo maybe the last thing the world needed was another song bout rollin weed…but this shit still ill son. There aint really nothin else that needs to be said bout this shit. The beat is some fly shit n son does his thing far as the rhymes go. Sometimes thats all you need par. I definitely fucks wit it. 

15. Demons – DRUGS. Cant believe this nigga jus said “Oh thats yo girl huh? Well I jus hit it” like that tho. Now a nigga gotta eat his own words. Damn son. Real talk tho…I love this joint yo. The hooks ill n the beat got some serious mood to it par. This shit sound like the credits rollin on a niggas life son. Might be my favorite shit on the mixtape.

16. Out Of This World – Think this is a bonus track…but this a fly ass joint to close the shit out to b. Probably the livest shit on the whole muthafucka n this shits still easy like Sunday morning namsayin. But now son jus namedroppin all the dudes he feel like niggas been comparin him to. I aint really mad at son for rockin like all his influences do tho. He still got his own style anyways yo. The Big Beat drums kinda keep this shit grimy too. I dig it yo. 

Im sayin tho son…

This shit aint what I would call a straight classic namsayin. Also son aint like the nicest nigga to ever touch the mic or nothin…but this whole joint jus been mad consistent namsayin. Also it really dont sound like nothin else out there yo. Like that boy Spitta kinda be touchin on the exact same topics pretty much but his shit dont sound nothin like Rockys shit n vice versa namsayin. The beats is mellow n laid back but they got some grittiness to em nahmean. I dont even think they mixed this shit down son. Word is bond it sounds like it was recorded in a crackhouse bathroom on a cellphone yo. I think I even heard a toilet flush durin this muthafucka par. But yo…straight up…I fucks wit this shit son. Niggas dont gotta be doin  no verbal gymnastics on a joint for it to be hot namsayin. The beats is on point n there really aint no songs that I be feelin like I jus gotta skip son. Ayo the god gon give this shit 4 Zeus Slaps outta 5 nahmean. Word.

Aight peace.

Ayo one more thing yall….

The god cant really do no reviews for ALL the shit that he really wanna…but this one joint yall need to go support. My dude Gangsta Gibbs is still hitin niggas over the head wit that good shit namsayin. Son dropped his latest joint last week n he kept it all the way street yo. This that shit for niggas who slap box wit they moms out on the corner son. This shit for muthafuckas who snack on bullets n eat the bark off trees when they hungry nahmean. This joint for niggas who do push-ups on broken glass n punch sidewalks when they happy namsayin. This the type a shit that gon put hair on the chest of a infant son. This joint for broads who be carryin razor blades under they tongue when they go to the mall yo. This the type of shit that make a nigga slap a muthafucka thru 3 layers of concrete for makin eye contact b. This shit gon make you wanna throw niggas off balconies. I approves of this joint mightily son. Theres a lot of shit that either ya boy dont got time to speak on or it jus dont make sense for me to speak on….but I jus hadda salute the homie for this one yo. Word.”

CLICK THIS SHIT

– @BigGhostFase

@BigGhostFase Reviews Wale’s Ambition

Big Ghost has got another review for you guys, spotted over at his site. You know what to expect, so hit the jump to catch his thoughts on Wale’s MMG debut project.

“Ayo whattup its ya boy Big Ghost aka Thor Molecules aka Phantom Raviolis aka the Hands of Zeus…better known as the inventor of the slap namsayin. Word…I aint gon lie n pretend like the god is a fan of this niggas music or nothin b…but that dont mean I aint gon give the muthafucka a fair chance n shit. I aint gon front on the niggas art jus cos he a arrogant dude. Son declared his shit a classic already b. So rite there he already lowered the expectations for the god namsayin. Imma actually be expectin this shit to be wack as fuck. Cos any nigga thats gon suck his own dick like that gotta be tryna compensate for his shit bein weak nahmean. So if this shit even halfway decent he gon already be shockin me par.  Lets get into this shit tho.

Son….

1.  Don’t Hold Your Applause – Aight son…its 6 seconds into this muthafuckin album n son already distress croonin on some la la la bullshit. Either this shit bout to be Sideline Story all over again…n son plannin to serenade his way thru 15 hooks or he jus gettin that shit out the way from the jump namsayin. He spittin some decent shit on this joint…but he also sayin some flamboyant shit here n there. Son also said “GQ men of the year, Cudi, Drizzy n Me”. That was ’09 tho b. They called them the “Gangster Killers of The Year” in that issue son….which Im thinkin was sposed to be a joke or sumthin my dude. N when they actually did start puttin rap niggas on the cover for that shit the next year…they aint honor Cudi n Wale yo. They only showed love to the rap Tyler Perry that year son….lets jus keep it real here. Speakin of Young Eeyore tho…its like son was possessed by the ghost of Jermaine Cole on this hook b. Anyways yo…I aint sayin its wack but the god probably wont be listenin to this shit ever again son.

2. Double M Genius – I guess son is on his humble shit b. Nigga said “Wale” like 87 times on this muthafucka too yo. The beat on this joint is like some low budget J.U.S.T.I.C.E. League shit son. I aint sayin its wack but lets jus say that Ricky Rozay probably passed on this shit n “saved it” for the homie Folarin nahmean. The hook is some bullshit tho. I dont kno who singin that shit but the nigga sound like a transvestite son.  I probably wont listen to this shit ever again neither b…but I aint really mad at it like that namsayin.

3. Miami Nights – I think most of yall done heard this shit by now…n this was never like my favorite shit or nothin….but its aight. The beat sound kinda like some 80s cruise ship entertainment type shit….so I be picturin old white people startin conga lines to some shit like this in my head yo. The Bawse drops a couple words of wisdom in the bridge n shit….but no bars or nothin. Real talk tho…I dont really wanna hear this shit ever again par.

4. Legendary – 1.5 seconds into this muthafucka n this shit was already my favorite joint so far b. This beat got some actual hair on its chest son. I aint even kno it was a Toomp joint til I recognized this shit was superior to all the shit I been hearin n checked the credits son. Actually this shit makes me HATE the 3 joints before it even more. The nigga actually spittin forreal on this shit too yo. Its kinda hard to take the “fuck fame, n fuck money” hook serious tho…since the nigga been in full time diva mode for like 2 years now son. But I dig this shit nahmean. Imma probably even dump this joint into a playlist on the iPod my nigga.

5. Lotus Flower Bomb (ft Miguel) – Aight first off yo. Fuck this song title b. This shit dropped a while back n I never even peeped the shit cos the song title sounded like a yoga pose nahmean. Its sounded like some shit the broad in Coldplay might bang vaginas wit Gwyneth Paltrow too yo. But after listenin to this shit I feel like I need to slap box witta minotaur jus to restore some manhood to my senses b.  This shit is like havin a waterfall of ovaries comin thru all the windows n doors in ya crib when you listen to it son. Its like audio breast milk. Ayo I understand you gotta gear summa ya shit to the females bruh…but this shit is straight bitchmade son. A dude listens to this shit one too many time n he gon get a period if he aint careful g. I hope I dont hear this shit again for like the rest of my life yo.

6. Chain Music – Aight…straight up….this beat is ferocious my nigga. Son kinda flowin like a muthafucka on this shit too yo. This shit is jus mad ignorant b. Yalls already kno that Zeus Hands fucks wit that ignorant shit heavy tho nahmean. This shit so tuff I almost forgot bout that Lotus Vagina Bomb joint that came before it son. 

7. Focused (ft Kid Cudi) – Soon as this shit started…all I could picture was muthafuckas wit glow stick necklaces twirlin ribbons around in they skin tight metallic outfits b. This that 2 dudes in a Mitsubishi Eclipse sharin one dancin white broad shit rite here nahmean. This joint is softer than baby shit. This fool Wale even said “Killin these black heads, my rap is Noxzema” yo. Son jus compared his shit to a face cream my nigga. This shit is jus mad corny son. I mean…I kno theres muthafuckas out there thats gon dig this shit…but Tone probably wont never listen to this shit ever again par.

8. Sabotage (ft Lloyd) – This jus some more hoe shit but it sounds like Hit Em Up compared to the last joint son. That human ovary Lloyd is beltin out the hook on some serious tender nigga shit for this one yo. I guess son gotta do his joints for the females tho. So I can respect that b.

9. White Linen [Coolin] (ft Ne-Yo) – Ok son…I was tryin to chill but I dont kno how this nigga jus gon drop 3 bitchmade ass joints in row like this…but apparently thats what he jus did here yo. All 3 of these muthafuckas is bout to find they way to the recycle bin tho. Cos I aint wastin no precious time hearin this bullshit ever again my dude.

10. Slight Work (ft Medium Sean) Word is bond…the world famous Diplo did this joint nahmean. Unfortunately this shit jus sounds like Swizz Beatz kicked in the door…erased the joint Diplo made n tapped out one of his basic ass dogshit beats…then left THIS shit there for em instead. I feel like Beyonce spose to be upliftin the low self esteem havin broads of the world over this beat son. This shit is jus ass b. Mr Finally Famous need to get the fuckouttahere too yo.

Why the boy Wale rockin a size XS hoodie n a 5-3/8 fitted tho?

11. Ambition (ft. Meek Mill & Rick Ross) Yall mighta heard this shit before. Son got The Ralph Tresvant n Bobby Brown of MMG on this joint (word….Wale definitely the Ricky Bell of that shit). This shit probably the best joint on the whole album son…which kinda makes up for that 4 song streak of tampon music that came before this muthafucka namsayin. Not really tho…cos those joints was like listenin to son drop down n get his eagle on for like 15 minutes. I aint probably gon forgive the nigga for that shit b. But this joint goes hard as fuck son. This shit make you wanna go cop a 8 ball to cook up n start sellin to ya own nephews n nieces on some guerilla pimp dont give a fuck bout nobody type shit nahmean. 

12. Illest Bitch – Son wanna be the latest nigga to attempt the “I be empowerin broads by callin em bitches” type song that intelligent females usually dont be feelin…but causes these hoodrats to g’head n start p-poppin at family picnics yo. This joint kinda laid back tho…so it aint really gon get these hookers throwin bows n breakin they nails or nothin like that…but they gon be quotin bars off this shit for months either way yo. Little niggas is gon be dedicatin this joint to they 14 yr old girlfriends n gettin em seeded up to this shit come Valentines Day namsayin. Hoes in the after hours spots is gon be closin they eyes n pointin to the sky when this shit start playin b. Grimey ass broads is gon be pourin out they liquor to this shit. Son even goes into some spoken word bullshit towards the end that I aint really gon get into tho. By the way son…Im grown nahmean….so I dont really be knowin no low self esteem havin teenage broads that shit like this might be useable on…n I dont need no more hoodrats in my life b. So this muthafucka goin into the recycle bin too son.

13. No Days Off – This shit sound kinda like the beat to Biggie’s Me & My Bitch…but witta Toomp twist to it….which is basically what this beat is namsayin. But the nigga Folarin aint sayin nothin THAT creative on this muthafucka.  The boy jus spittin that usual come up shit that 75% of niggas be spittin bout nahmean. I wasnt mindin this shit til I heard son say some shit like “higher than high school Mariah tunes n fire flutes on fights n hoopers in light shoes”. Now Im jus feelin disrespected son. I mean…that probably aint even exactly what the nigga said but Im still feelin disrespected either way yo…. like…nigga thats jus some bullshit. 

14. DC or Nothing – This shit starts out wit some bitch nigga oooohin over some emotional ass synths…but then the shit starts pickin up namsayin. I mean….even tho son still jus talkin more of that come up shit I was actually kinda feelin this one yo……til the hook came in. Ayo son…I dont kno who it is…but dude singin this shit sounds like he rocks mad Abercrombie n Fitch shit b. Im sayin like…I can see the tight ass Club Monaco gear n canvas sneakers in my mind when I hear this muthafucka sing b. He sounds like the type a dude who be inventin suspect ass drinks that end wit “tini” when he goes out son. I aint really tryna shit on the nigga…but I bet the dude drives a hatchback tho. This shit aint horrible or nothin….but it definitely aint gettin no itunes play son.

“Thats that nigga who wont gimme back my watch bro….”

15. That Way (Ft. Jeremih & Rick Ross) – Damn yo….the homie Lex Luger did this shit? Ayo the Superfly shit aint nothin new but Lex kinda changed his shit up here b. As far as the vocab…I mean at first you might think its jus another joint aimed at broads…but this one kinda fly nahmean. Rozay did his thing of course. Jeremih croonin some gentle ass shit as usual…but this shit jus works yo. See a lot a yall might think that the god dont like no laid back shit that you can cool out wit a broad to…but I jus dont like when that shit aint done rite son. This shit here is some fly ass smooth shit yo. Anyways son…I fucks wit it.

Ayo listen son…. the biggest mistake a nigga can make when he bout to drop his album is declare that shit a classic b….UNLESS he gon deliver on that shit nahmean. The boy Wale been callin this shit a classic for a minute now son. A couple months ago son asked niggas why he cant jus say his shit is as good as Reasonable Doubt. Im sayin…that shit is cool my dude…but once you open that door you gotta step thru it at some point yo. You start pointin out into the upper deck before the pitch…you better be tryin to knock that shit out the park fam. So yeah…same way that Young Eeyore shouldnta even said the word Illmatic while he was hypin his own coma-fied ass album…the boy Wale shoulda jus kept his mouth shut bout Jay’s first born nahmean par. That Hov shit was, is, n gon STAY a classic g. Word is bond son. But if any nigga gon actually say Ambition a classic n mean that shit….I hope that muthafucka gets hit by a asteroid b. Aint like Ambition is wack or nothin son…namsayin you could even say the shit is “good”. But son…even tho Reasonable Doubt was mainly jus all joints bout hustlin…there aint no two songs on that muthafucka that covered the exact same ground over again yo. That shit was a journey namsayin. That shit told a story. This shit is jus some half decent joints n a couple bangers mixed in wit a whole lotta average shit. I mean…the boy Wale got like 5 or 6 ballads on this muthafucka b. Tender ass ones too yo. So nah…that shit aint official like that par. Son shoulda compared this shit to Kingdom Come or whatever. When you in the presence of excellence you either bow or you challenge that shit son. For example yo…that nigga Kanye got a big mouth n done talked mad shit…n niggas BEEN hated dude for that shit yo. What makes that nigga unfadeable rite now tho is he keep backin up all his talk namsayin. Niggas HATE to love that boy Yeezy son. Niggas hate THEYSELVES for likin that arrogant muthafuckas joints nahmean. Niggas hate theyselves for knowin the WORDS to that niggas shit too par. But Wale…son need to stick to bowin before greatness namsayin. IF niggas hate Wale its cos he arrogant as fuck n DONT prove niggas wrong nahmean. So nahhh son aint cut out for greatness like that yo…but at least he aint wack. He makes a good addition to Rawse’s team. He aint cut out for individual greatness like that tho. He kinda cut out for okayness or goodness namsayin. So he gets that.

This shit gets 3 Zeus Slaps from me tho my nigga. But son got a perfect 5 outta 5 apl.de.ap n Taboo ‘Sidekick Salutes’ namsayin.

Aight peace.

Aka the niggas in BEP who aint will.i.am or Fergie” – @BigGhostFase

@BigGhostFase Reviews The BET Cyphers

It’s only right that @BigGhostFase shares his thoughts on what went down during the BET Awards, in his typical fashion. Hit the jump to read his review and make sure to check out his site here. 


“Ayo whattup its ya boy P-Tone aka Thor Molecules aka Cocaine Biceps aka Phantom Raviolis nahmean. Word is bond. Otherwise known as the Inventor of the Slap. Imma break down the stats for yall mathematical  niggas tho….Average fucks given per hour = 0 namsayin. Come holla at Tone if you need somebody to draw yalls the diagrams namsayin. Word yo…lets get into this shit. As yall kno…the BET Cyphers is basically the only part of the shows worth watchin nahmean. So…due to popular demand…the god gon share a couple a his thoughts on that shit son. Word. The shit went sumthin like this…

Indie Meets Mainstream

Big K.R.I.T. – Son Krit is dope…but Im pretty sure ey’body was hopin for son to do a little better. He wasnt wack or nothin…shit jus wasnt that special (6.5)

Tech N9ne – Imma be honest…I dont really fuck wit sons music like that…n when I seen the nigga rockin a polo witta a necktie it jus made feel like son dont got no decorum. I aint even understand what the nigga was really sayin to be honest yo. But I kno he got some shit. (6.5)

Machine Gun Kelly – This snow nigga kinda caught me off guard cos I aint really expect much from him nahmean…even when the shit wrapped n I seen son had on some tight red pants it aint make no difference to me yo. Son was definitely aight (7)

Kendrick Lamar – Ok…now I been sayin that my dude is the future for a minute now b. But the little homie seemed kinda uncomfortable…n he aint really get in his zone like how we kno he could. So nah… he aint murder the shit the way I thought he would…but he still managed to disrespect the beat a couple times  (7.5)

B.o.B. – Im not really a fan of this daisy caressin nigga like that son. Like I dont hate his ass or nothin but I definitely dont fuck wit his music or nothin b. Which is why this shit surprised me. Son was in control the whole time n managed to bring some energy to this shit (7.5)

Uncut Cypher

Reek Da Villain – I aint really that familiar wit dude. I only heard this nigga spit like one other time ever nahmean. He wasnt sayin no mindblowin shit…but son can flow. But all that “lyrical scientist…leavin mics wit psoriasis” shit is like some old Keith Murray bullshit. Its 2011 son. Cmon b. (6.5)

2chainz – Sons shit started out corny as fuck wit shit like “If this was New Edition I’d be Bobby Brown” n rhymin “funeral” wit “hula hoop” n whatever…but shit picked up n the nigga actually kinda got busy yo. (7)

Busta Rhymes – Son brought that vet swagger. He mighta been cheesin like a muthafucka at the start n standin like he was bout to ask Don Corleone for a favor…but son got serious real soon after that. My dude said some fly shit nahmean. Son flexin his clout too cos they let the nigga spit like 40 bars b (8.5)

Ludacris – Luda started his shit by tellin Preemo to slow the beat down so we could understand “EVERY WORD”…then son proceeded to spit his struggle bars all the way thru that shit. Nigga hit us wit corny punchline after corny punchline yo…”Need more Jaguars than Jacksonville”? “I got it MAID like Arnold Schwarzenneger…get it?” Nah b….shit was corny LIKE CORN WIT THE 5TH LETTER (get it?) Nevermind…have a seat yo. (5.5)

Survival of The Illest

Rage – This shit jus reminded me that broads actually could rap at one time b. Wasnt nothin special…but it was a whole lot better than the Nicki, KREAYSHAWN n Tyga shit that we stuck wit these days yo (6.5)

Blind Fury – Son looked like he was 75 years old….so I was kinda surprised that the muthafucka could spit. Turns out he jus blind. They coulda stopped movin the cameras on this nigga tho…like he spose to kno where to look. (7)

Dom Kennedy – Now THIS nigga had the nerve to start his shit off wit “Even tho I can’t see me…I know I look good rite now on ya tv” Damn yo….no regard for the nigga that jus went before him AT ALL my dude. Wasnt nothin incredible… but Dom did his thing (6.5)

Skillz – This nigga aint switched up his flow once in like 16 years b. He got corny punchlines galore son. GALORE yo. They not even jus bad…they the kind that make you feel uncomfortable..like you feel embarassed n you aint even the one sayin all that wack shit. Nigga even brought along props. Like he been preparin for that shit for the last 3 months. Nah this cocky ass nigga seriously need to get the fuck outta here already. (4.5)

Maybach Music Group

Wale – At least he woke up for this one. I think one year son looked like they jus snatched him up from a nap. Wasnt some shit that would change anybodys life or nothin but he sorta went in nahmean. (7)

Pill – Meek seemed to kno like ALLthe words to this shit son. I mean…it was cool but again the shit wasnt nothin special. (6.5)

Stalley – Aka the most ridiculous ass beard attached to a human face on earth yo. Shit lookin like a black cloud of fungus…son wasnt even rhymin half his shit but he still had some aight bars I guess yo. (6.5)

Meek Mill – Usually I jus be thinkin son is kinda ass…but when his voice aint hittin high notes he aight…Seemed like ey’body in the room wit him knew the words to that shit yo. (6.5)

Rick Ross – Rozay was rockin a satin outfit n kept that shit mad ignorant. Lyrically tho…he kept the ignorance to a minimum namsayin. Son said “Nice ball cap” to Wale….but I think dude forgot to put one on before the shit started.. But anyways yo…the chubby nigga aint never droppin the ball when it comes to mic presence neither. Son went in. (7.5)

International Flow

Estelle – I dont think ma was there to really spit so Imma jus leave this one alone.

Nitty Scott – Kinda corny n the flow was mad oldschool b…She even started that shit wit “kick it like kung-fu” n then spit “droppin bombs like Saddam”…Damn ma…I think Ice Cube said that shit in like ’93. I thought the Luda shit was ass… (4.5)

LaCrae – This dude seemed hungrier than the other new niggas…even tho son dressed like he jus escaped from the movie Juice n transported hisself to the future. His shit was mad short n to the point tho. (7.5)

Saprano – Tone dont realy speak any France language… but this nigga could obviously spit b. Plus he had the highlight for this session wit that Bawse line. (7.5)

Estelle – Turns out that ma was there to spit afterall yo. Her shit was aight. I was more impressed that she barely had to open her mouth for the words to come out tho. I dig when broads got British accents tho g…so I aint mind this too much. (6)

Chris Brown n Friends Cypher (aka the Struggle Session)

Ace Hood – Aight…do not start your bars off witta moment of silence for the beat if you aint gon even barely injure that muthafucka son. Whatever tho. Shit was aight son. (7)

Kevin McCall – Ayo whats wit these played out punchlines g? Did this nigga really take it back to “Jeffrey Dahmer” yo? But son…”flow sicker than HIV” tho? Forreal? (6.5)

Tyga – JUS GET THIS CORNY NIGGA THE FUCK OUTTA HERE SON (5)

Breezy – Ayo my nigga…Justin Bieber murdered you on ya own shit. But real talk….you kno theres sumthin wrong when Breezy walks away wit the most memorable shit in the cypher session. Son is a wack ass human being…but he did his thing here son…I aint gon lie. (7)

Shady 2.0 (aka the only shit that really mattered…)

Yelawolf – When the weakest link in the crew is a muthafucka that still spits better than 90% of niggas in rap…you kno you got a serious roster my nigga. Son jus gettin this session started for his mans n he already put holes in the beat nahmean. (8)

Joe Budden – Budden took the laid back approach on this one…but even when son is jus ridin in cruise control he still slaps the beat around like it aint even a problem for him. He starts goin harder in the second half tho…which is the shit I preferred yo. (8.5)

Crooked I – Son came for blood. He had the beat in a headlock for pretty much his whole verse yo. “Before you die you should do the Jada n leave a Will”…nice one b. Crook blacked out on this shit. (9)

Joell Ortiz – Wasnt crazy bout sons punchlines…n he had that one corny reference to old ass shit like Eddie Murphy n prostitutes or whatever. But son kept his part entertainin nahmean. Plus his shit was jokes. (8)

Royce Da 5’9″ – “Hi Rihanna”…you already kno. This is emceeing son. Not even his best shit n he still tore the beat in half  yo. If only Em wasnt bout to go in… (9.5)

Eminem – Theres two versions of Em…the one that kinda whines bout shit too much n be soundin like a damn drama queen on his joints namsayin….n then theres that beast ass muthafucka that straight up eats beats n spits out the bones…the one that breathes fire on mics n causes niggas to give up on rap n go get jobs at Target. The dude who murders Jay-Z on his own shit. That snow nigga who jus so happen to rhyme wit the sharpest flow in the history of rap. That dude. Imma tell you like this par…the drama queen aint show up to this shit yo. At all son. The thing is tho….ALL these niggas musta known son was gon be takin part n they was still jus sleepwalkin thru they shit anyways. Ayo if Im participatin in this shit n they tell me “oh yeah…by the way son….Marshall Mathers is gon be doin this shit too” Imma lose sleep perfectin my shit b. Namsayin Im not comin to the BET studios wit that Skillz bullshit son. Word is bond. Imma be hungry. So lord…explain to me how the muthafucka wit the most successful career, the most doe, n the most respect came thru n had the most hunger STILL. Thats what Im talmbout son. (10)

Shout outs to the whole Shady team… See these dudes kno how to end they verses on a high note too…not on some slip out the door shit.  But on some AIGHT IM GOIN NOW *door slam* shit. Word.

Aight peace”

– @BigGhostFase

@BigGhostFase’s Review of Cole World: The Sideline Story

This shit is so hilarious. @BigGhostFase is back with another review, this time for Cole’s project (which is supposed to sell about 250K copies first week). Hit the jump and enjoy.

“Ayo whattup its ya boy P-Tone aka Volcano Hands aka Phantom Raviolis aka Cocaine Biceps nahmean! Word up the Hands of Zeus is in the buildin. Lotta niggas been askin the god  “Ayo Thor Molecules when you gon review that Memphis Cole joint?” Aint like the god was frontin but a nigga been mad busy namsayin so we hadda put that shit on ice while Riggatone handled that other shit nahmean. But Im pretty sure ey’body hadda chance to illegally download that shit by now so lets get this shit poppin b. First off young Eeyore lookin like some nigga jus snatched his balloon animals from him on this cover yo. That shit need to be addressed rite now son. Jermaine lookin like he jus got violated in the showers n he tryin to figure out a way to explain it to his girl. Im sayin yo…is this nigga capable of a facial expression that dont make him look like a victim son? 

Cmon Jermaine…you spose to be celebratin the fact that Jiggaman lettin you drop ya album finally yo! Nah he aint takin you on tour wit him n Yeezy but you can still sell some merch on ya own tour baby pa. Niggas can stop askin why a dude who aint got no album is doin a muthafuckin 65 date world tour like he Bono or some shit now yo! Whatever tho son…lets get this shit started b…

1.  Intro – Son jus explainin to a couple niggas how he wanna tell the story of the day he got signed…instead he spits a couple bars tho. Lotta dope albums got dope intros…sometimes its skits…sometimes its jus niggas buildin n talkin shit….Amerikkkas Most Wanted, Ready To Die, The Chronic, Illmatic, The Dynnasty, Cuban Linx….Lotta classic joints yo. Word…..this aint like those.

2. Dollar and a Dream III – This beat sounds like Puffy circa Life After Death was in the studio wit his toothpick in his mouth tellin niggas to “put more cinematic on it” while niggas looked at each other shakin they heads n shit namsayin. Word…the little homie Jermaine got his Nashiem Myrick n Carlos Broady on. But instead a spittin some gutter ass tales bout robbin niggas or clappin niggas kids by accident…son jus doin what HE be doin best namsayin. Which is cool nahmean….but this nigga jus gettin his Eeyore on again b. Aint much here that this nigga can tell us that he aint already weeped bout before son. We get it nigga…you was unsigned…n now you signed. Word…dreams really do come true n niggas shouldnta doubted ya ass…. Son always gotta squeeze in AT LEAST one lame bar tho. On this joint its “boy you cant outsmart me….I  make you fee like you the shit, but boy you cant out-fart me”

3. Cant Get Enough (ft Trey Songz) – This shit sounds like the nigga hopped in his time machine n copped a beat that Twista aint wanna pay Kanye for in 2003 yo. This muthafucka sound dated as fuck son. I was almost expectin this nigga to start rhymin bout poppin tags n shit. But I aint really mad at this joint. It is what it is yo. Lame bar (that ey’body at his shows gon scream when the music stops n he points the mic at the crowd): “I love when you give me heeeeaaaaad…I hate when you give me headaches”

4. Lights Please – Ayo when this beat started the god was thinkin “Word…… . NOWTHISWHATTHEFUCKUMMTALMBOUT!” Son…a nigga was thinkin the intro to the joint was dope as shit…like this bout to be a problem namsayin. One minute in n this nigga still rhymin over the intro…the beat aint change yet or nothin…cool. Guess the little nigga tryin to make a point…BUT NAH…the hook comes in n the muthafuckin beat still sound like the intro son (by the way yo….you kno how all the hooks Drizzy be croonin sound like he makin em up as he go? Word…it sound kinda like this nigga gettin his Drake on here forreal yo…except son dont be hittin those bitch notes as much)  Lame bar: “Laid a nigga down proper like she was recordin tracks” 

5. Interlude – This nigga interruptin his album to finish off the story from his intro namsayin….the one niggas probably already forgot bout n shit. Personally I feel like son jus wanted to be on some “oh by the way shit” n mention that he had to pay the price for “drivin dirty” one time….wit no license nahmean. Eventually yo…the law caught up to the little nigga n he went to jail b….for the nite. 

6. Sideline Story – This beat kinda cool….feels like some shit where you might be in a nice restaurant eatiin some lobster tails or some scampi or primavera type joint n listenin to some shit like that namsayin… n then some unsigned random nigga grabs the mic n starts spittin his bars or whatever. The hook sounds like some shit Drake mighta left on sons voicemail again. Lame bar: “my hooks can knock Rocky out” Smh…swear Grandmaster Caz probably came up wit that one in like ’82 n then crumpled that shit up into a paper ball n came wit some better shit yo.

7. Mr Nice Watch (ft Jay-Z) Oh shit par….its that Jay feature that almost became sons 905th L in 3 years when Hovi aint give this nigga a 16 til the day shit was bout to get mastered yo. Too bad he jumped on a track that sounds like some shit that a Timbaland stan from like Croatia or Qatar or some shit laced in his bedroom son. The hook is pure muthafuckin struggle my nigga…I aint even gon get into it yo. Somebody tell this nigga he dont gotta croon on ALL these joints tho b. Jiggaman gave this nigga one a his “Oh its for Bleek’s joint? Aight here ya go” verses. Jay knows when he in danger of gettin renegaded….n that shit wasnt gon be happenin here son. Son couldnta renegaded Lil Boosie on this shit b. Word is bond son. Lame bar: “I rap like its Christmas Eve” ….Cmon Jermaine. 

8. Cole World – This beat got more of that same Euro nigga swag that the last joint had. Its cool if niggas wanna get on some international shit n show some variety or some culture b….but this beat kinda ass yo. This sounds like some shit that muthafuckas in Moscow be doin Russian kicks to….like you gotta be splashin 180 proof vodka on slave bitches n rockin a bear skin coat wit the head still on it to really appreciate shit like this son. Then this nigga get on some Borat shit durin the hook when he singin “Got a hundred fifty bitches in the club starin’ at me/ How that feel? Very happy!” Yall listen to this shit tho…”How that feel? VERY HAPPY”. Son…thats some “no speaky inglish” type shit yo. This joint starts out wit the line “it took me all day to find some inspiration”…ayo maybe you shoulda put it back where you found it son. Cos apparently you found that shit in the back of a gypsy caravan or some shit b. You want lame bars tho? Son be spittin darts like “See my man Nate, asked me if I gained weight/ I said nah, my pockets got fatter, that’s all”, “I got the type of shit that make a hater say sorry” n “Bitch, I made this in the crib, watchin’ Belly/ eatin’ peanut butter jelly, what the fuck can niggas tell me?” n all kindsa dogshit bars…take ya pick yo. Its like a wackass bars smorgasbord on this shit b.

9. In The Morning (ft The Kitten Whisperer) – Damn son….you kno the album aint really goin rite for a nigga when you relieved to hear the Drizzy joint nahmean. Still think this beat is dope…which kinda makes sense namsayin since this joint one a the only ones that Jermaine aint produce by hisself. Word is bond yo…this nigga gave all his best beats away to muthafuckas like Kendrick (see HiiiPoWeR) n XV (peep Smallville) namsayin. Kinda forgot that Aubrey sounds like a rapist on this shit tho nahmean. I think the nigga talmbout how he use to fuck horses when he was a kid in his verse or some shit son. N even tho Young Angel droppin bars bout ridin stallions n shootin lotion outta his finger tips… this little nigga Cole aka L-ton John STILL gon find a way to squeeze in the lamest bar on this shit wit “no strings attached, like a cordless phone” Son…when was the last time you seen a phone that DID have a cord yo? You write this verse in 1987 g? Cmon son…its 2011 yo. Cordless phones? That shits like sayin “word…I got these condoms that aint made outta lamb intestines son” or “word….I gotta TV that aint black n white at my crib namsayin” or “word….I like broads who dont got mustaches or dicks yo”. Stop it Jermaine…

10. Lost Ones – First off yo…this shit got pretty much the same drumbeat as the Lights Out joint…which really be drivin home that point that son been runnin outta ideas for beats a long ass time now yo. But SON…on a album full of bitchified lotiony hooks…this shit might actually be the the lotioniest n bitchifiedest hook of them all yo… “I aint too proud to tell you that I cry sometimes…I cry sometimes about it….” 

Son…is you fuckin serious? Shit gets even more bitched out when the nigga starts spittin from the perspective of a pregnant broad for the whole second verse. “I let you hit it raw muthafucka…now Im pregnant”. Word…mad niggas is gon be spittin along to that shit b. Nas dont even get away wit doin shit like that son…

11. Nobody’s Perfect (Ft Missy Elliot) – I aint mad at this beat…shit is actually cool for some R&B nigga shit. Plus Missy took it back yo. This still jus some shit for broads that eat ice cream under the covers n keep candy bars in they glove box…but its cool for what it is yo. The little homie Jermaine aint forget to spit some more lame bars on this shit tho. Word yo…the lamest one gotta be “Cole heatin up like that leftover lasagna” ….wow. The hood probably gon love that one yo….”YO YOU HEAR WHAT THIS NIGGA JUS SAID SLIME?? HE HEATIN UP….LIKE LEFTOVER LASAGNA NIGGA!!! DAMN YO!!! REWIND THAT BACK SLIME!!!

12. Never Told – This some Captain Save A Hoe shit son. Theres a skit in the middle bout a young Jermaine learnin how to be a man. Apparently son use to sound like a little broad when he was young tho…couldnt make it to the end of this one b. NO.I.D. gave the nigga a throwaway beat too. Lamest bar: “Cause Wolverine’s depressing, don’t wanna be your ex-man”

13. Rise And Shine – Son saved his best beat for damn near the end of the album yo. Either way tho…son hooked up a ferocious track to go hammer on son…..before he lames out on the hook n sings some wack shit again. This song is like a dime broad witta 5 inch ortho shoe on b. Too bad son… Dont think that son forgot to spit some wackness on this shit too yo. Lamest bar: “These words Im recordin got me ballin….Jordan”. 

14. God’s Gift – This the joint son was hopin Jay would jump on. Shits definitely better than that Nice Watch eurotrash shit he did end up jumpin on tho. Son referencin Jay n talmbout “on to the blueprint” but Jay was like “Nah”. So disrespectful Hovi….Of course son gotta squeeze in another wack ass made up as he go hook torn straight outta the book of Aubrey nahmean. Lamest bars: “Pussy my passion / Man I just can’t help it,I see a cookie, I grab one”

15. Breakdown – The drums by theyselves on the intro sound like some bullshit yo. Shit be soundin cheap as fuck son. Sounds like some shit a niggas moms would tap out while she fuckin witta niggas MPC in his room.  Once the music kicks in its aight tho. Rite out the gate yo…son spits “I just shed tears homie and now I aint too proud to admit it”…we get it son. You aint ashamed to cry…stop all that sad face purple donkey shit already par. The song aint horrible…but I dont kno what nigga would end they album witta joint like this one. Lamest bars: “Thought I was brighter than a Polo sweater / No pops…. was like Martin with no Coretta”

Bonus Tracks:

I aint really kno which joints is officially on his shit but these muthafuckas is summa the bonus tracks I got on my version yo….

Workout – The first official single off this shit jus became a bonus track yo. Truth be told…this joint was cool for what it was. The video was another story tho son…that shit looked like son got the director who use to do shit for TLC on they first album b. That shit musta costed Roc Nation like$300 yo. Jay probably drops more on socks than what he givin this nigga for his video budget b. I fucks wit this shit…like it aint my favorite shit or nothin b…but I dont hate it like that. But when son starts gettin his Paula Abdul on its time for the skip button.

Nothing Lasts Forever – More shit for broads who aint got no self esteem n niggas who stay twistin Nuvo caps off n sippin Shirley Temples at the club. Its a cool joint but son spittin some serious snore darts on this one b. 

Daddy’s Little Girl – The beat cool…in a “nigga who jus learned how to use Reason” kinda way. But the hook so light in the ass that my muthafuckin iPod started floatin round the room while I was playin this shit b. You can put a black coffee in front of the speakers n that shit gon have 5 sugars in it by the end of the song par. This shit softer than chinchilla bellies yo. You could pollinate your flower garden wit this shit b. This niggas dignity tank is on E when it comes to these hooks son…but whatever yo. 

Who Dat – Aka the original first single flop….Only good thing I can say bout this shit is he aint really spit any lazy ass bars like he did all over his album yo. He barely gettin his songstress on on this shir too yo. Son shoulda spent more than 4 seconds comin up wit the hook for this muthafucka tho son. 

Cheer Up – I dont even kno if this joint is really a bonus track forreal yo…n I aint heard it…but thats a funny ass song title comin from this nigga b.

Thats bout it fam…I aint really mad at this shit…but son was lazy as fuck on this joint b. The beats…the rhymes…all that shit yo. I thought son woulda been savin his best shit for his album my nigga. There aint really a whole lot to make this shit that different from his mixtapes tho son. N word is bond yo…the rap world always been divided between niggas who dont sound wack singin all over they joints (Pac, 50, DMX, Slick Rick, GHOSTFACE etc) n niggas who sound like straight bitches when they do namsayin (Aubrey)…..Cole be fallin into that second category yo. What you gon do tho? These beige niggas jus love to croon on they shit b. But yo…I aint mad at this shit like that baby pa. The nigga gettin his feet wet in the game still…its cool…broads gon more or less love this like a fat kid love cake n all that. It jus aint the gods cuppa tea namsayin. Staten niggas be drinkin from golden goblets b. We dont drink no Ovaltines namsayin. We drink broken glass son. Niggas stay eatin the bark off the trees over here par. You talkin to some official titanium beard niggas who rock iron headbands n throw Suzuki jeeps at niggas for steppin on our footwear nahmean. So nah…niggas who got that viking blood dont be really fuckin wit no soft ass shit like this b. But this shit wasnt designed for niggas like Tone yo…I understands that shit b. This shit was designed to tap that insecure broad demographic n shit par. So instead a breakin this muthafuckas wings off Imma jus open the window n let the butterfly go back to the flower box n do his thing namsayin. Let youngin do him I guess yo…

Overall…on some generous shit…Imma give Eeyorematic 2.5 outta 5 Zeus Slaps yo…..or 5 Memphis Bleek durags under the fitted outta 5. Word is bond.”

– @BigGhostFase

@BigGhostFase’s Carter IV Review

This is one of the funniest things I’ve read on the Internet lmao, but all of the points @BigGhostFase brings to light, do in fact make sense and are at least half true. The slander that is brought down on “How To Love” is incredible. Hit the jump to find out his thoughts on Wayne’s recently released Carter IV. You can find the original post on his blog here.

“Whattup yall its ya boy P-Tone aka the Hands Of Zeus namsayin. I aint really gon waste too much time wit the introductions tho namsayin. Yall probably want a nigga to get rite into this shit. Word is bond. Niggas been waitin on this album for bout 3 years n shit. After son dropped his bullshit “rock” album tho….a few less niggas was waitin on this shit. Then he dropped the joint wit his crew Young Money n it was even fewer niggas waitin nahmean. Truth be told tho… thats more of a bouquet of niggas than a crew son. Im jus sayin b….maybe pluck Gunz outta that shit tho. Millz aint exactly horrible neither but he been gettin stale as fuck lately. The rest a them niggas is lightweight tho…so what you expect par? When he dropped the I Am Not A Human Being shit he seemed to be gettin back to his Dedication/Drought shit tho…so niggas started anticipatin his shit again. But then he dropped the single (you kno the one) n niggas jus abandoned this muthafucka period. Now he relyin on 12 yr old broads n the pedophile niggas that need his music in order to lure 12 yr old broads to they car for all his sales. Pretty much eybody else jus gon find a mediafire link n leave it at that son. Unless this shit actually proves niggas wrong yo. Who knows namsayin. Anyways…the god aint gon judge this shit til he gives it a listen first. So Imma chill.

1. Intro – I aint mad at this beat. This shit actually sound official. But son said “Boy Im goin in…..like my water broke” Yup….Drake wrote this shit.

2. Blunt Blowin – This shit starts out soundin like some Final Fantasy shit…but it starts to masculine up a little when the hook comes in. But then Im like hold up….this shit sound familiar yo. This nigga aint really…oh nah….yeah he did….son “borrowed” the hook from a Pat Benatar joint. For all yall 90s babies readin this shit…Pat Benatar was kinda like the Katy Perry of the 80s yo…only her joints wasnt all wack as fuck. But I aint really sweatin that jack move like that b. Either way tho…. I still aint really crazy bout this shit son. Plus the nigga talkin bout Ashton Kutcher, shootin hummingbirds n droppin suspect bars like “I do it for the money…man I am such a hooker” Yup….Drake probably wrote this one too b.

3. MegaMan – This shit also happen to be produced by a nigga named MegaMan. I dont kno who the fuck that is but the nigga Wayne need to get more creative wit these titles b. This beat knocks in the whip but still sounds like a beat I heard sumthin like 9000,1000000,000 times tho fam. Also yo…. I get how niggas bend they rhymes n try to make that shit fit together when the words dont even rhyme no type a way at all yo….like mad southern niggas get away wit that shit cos they got the drawls n twangs n shit (whattup Drake)….but when this nigga rhymed “Burger King” wit “surgery” I had to stop my hand from hittin the skip on that shit nahmean. Son also doin that extra high pitched shit wit his voice that he started fuckin wit round the time he made No Ceilings….which you might think at least ONE nigga in his entourage had told him is annoying as fuck by now. Even tho the rhymes is stupid wack on this one…the shit wasnt as effeminate as the last joint…so I dont think Drizzzay wrote this shit son.

4. 6 Foot 7 Foot (ft Cory Gunz) – I still fucks wit this joint. The niggas voice is on that fingernails on the chalkboard while chewin tinfoil shit again…but the beat is still kinda catchy nahmean. The little nigga Cory Gunz stole the show on this one yo. The corny Wayne bars got me thinkin this probably got Drizzy fingerprints on em anyways….so it never was really Gunz vs Weezy nahmean. Still…I fucks wit it.

5. Nightmares Of The Bottom – When this beat dropped all I could think was why the fuck would son throw a lullaby on at track 5? Like you really wanna have niggas fallin asleep this early into ya album fam? So Im startin to doze off n shit but then this nigga says “Im lookin in my rearview…I see the world in it….I try to slow down….n I get rear-ended”. N like THAT…ya boy wide awake all over again yo. But now Im thinkin bout the fuckin line for the rest of the song nahmean. Son even had the nerve to “pause” that shit. Son you cant pause THAT. The fuck you mean? “I get rear-ended – PAUSE”. Son the line wasnt even fly to begin wit….shit wasnt worth compromisin ya fuckin manhood over son. If you gay n you wanna say some homogetical shit like that its cool…Tone aint no homophobe b. I aint sweatin that namsayin. But this nigga been confusin niggas for a minute now nahmean (Exhibit A below). Word yo…..The homie Young Angel definitely wrote this shit too b.

6. She Will (ft Drake) – This shit aint exactly incredible….but I actually kinda fucks wit it. Only KINDA tho…Cos real talk son…this shit sound kinda like a rapist anthem b. Niggas soundin like they aint worried bout no damn consent at all yo. Matter fact this probably the most rapiest soundin shit since Kanye did that “Drunk n Hot Girls” joint wit Mos Def. You can practically hear Drake spittin these bars tho….probably cos he wrote em too. Matter fact this joint jus sounds like a straight Aubrey joint wit Weezy’s voice on it instead. This sound like some shit where Aubrey was probably innocently makin the joint in the studio n the nigga Wayne dropped in while he was listenin to the playback. Son was probably like “Ayo Young Angel…this shit cool…thanks for the song, wodie. This MY song now nigga…..ayaaaackhhh” n then put the nigga in a headlock n gave him a noogie n shit. Drizzy mighta cried hisself to sleep that nite tho.

7. How To Hate – Cant believe I had to listen to almost 1:40 min of T-Pain doin that wack shit he does (you kno…where he opens his mouth n sounds come out) before the nigga Wayne even started spittin yo. But soon as the nigga did….I actually just wanted him to stop nahmean. “When it Waynes it pours”? Cmon son….. Like forreal b? Anyhow yo…case yall aint notice…this is basically the hook from Shut It Down son. Nah not the classic Public Enemy joint son…that tampon commercial from Drizzys first album b. Niggas thinkin they slick recyclin melodies n addin a bunch a OH OH AHHHS to that shit tho? This shit is jus mad bitchy yo. Wouldnt be surprised if these niggas went swimmin wit dolphins together after they made this shit son. Shit is jus drippin wit progesterones b. This nigga said “All I had to do was put 2 n 2 together…but that jus makes 4…but not forever…damn”….Yup Drizzy wrote this shit too son.

8. Interlude (ft. Tech N9ne & Andre 3000) – Now how fucked up is it that the best joint so far on WEEZY’s album is the joint that he dont even rhyme on yo? Son jus gon let these niggas Hov his album tho on some Memphis Bleek shit. Aint like he was givin Gudda Gudda a chance to spit summa his struggle bars on this joint. Nah he let two certified beasts hop on this joint…n both a them went apeshit on this muthafucka. Son mighta jus heard these niggas snap on this beat n was like….”ummmm…. ya kno….Imma jus chill n let yall have this joint cos I left my rhymes at home n shit yall….Imma add my verse to this shit tomorrow….I gotta sore throat anyways….” n then he jus aint never even bothered. Nothin for Drake to see here yo………

9. John (ft. Rick Ross) – First time I heard this shit was bout a month or so ago… I wasnt really feelin it back then tho. I think I prefer it to most a the other joints on this album so far tho nahmean. Maybe thats why the shit is growin on me now. Anyways….one thing I noticed is not only do a lotta Lex Luger beats sound alike…but now even Pollow Da Don beats sound like Lex Luger beats. This shit actuallysounds like a Ricky Rozay joint featurin Lil Wayne…cos this beat was pretty much already on his last album yo….twice. Pollow thinkin nobody gon notice if he sped up the MC Hammer or BMF joint. If Drizzzzzzay had any part in this shit…son mighta had a whole beer before he wrote anything nahmean. These bars are a little tougher….

10. Abortion – This beat kinda ok… Sons jus spittin nonsense on it tho. The whole thing kinda mediocre in actuality.

11. So Special (ft John Legend) – Soon as this song started playin it jus sounded like some candy ass shit b. Then it got a little tougher. But it actually was still jus some candy ass shit b. This nigga makin like 45 different references to eatin a broad out yo. We get it nigga. Son wants to snack on the box erry 3 bars tho son. Meanwhile the homie John Legend gettin his grown man on durin the hook. This shit is jus a damn mess if you ask Tone. “I spent the night in Heaven…I slept witta angel”. Yup….fuck you Drizzy.

12. How To Love – Now I kno yall already heard this shit….I almost skipped reviewin this joint cos I aint really wanna say all the obvious shit you can say bout this shit son. But I might got some shit I gotta get off my chest first lord…. Whoever allowed this nigga to sit down n get his John Mayer on like this needs to get his ass beat down witta sock filled wit batteries son. This shit aint only soft b…its like softness wit techron my nigga. Son…first time I heard this joint it hurt my heart yo. I felt betrayed par. Like it really done came down to this shit b? This the shit yall muthafuckas is rockin wit now yo? Cmon son….where we gon draw line son? This is like listenin to kittens do ballet in slow motion yo. Its like bein showered wit ovaries n bellybuttons son. Its like this muthafucka jus slid on down a rainbow n landed in a big pool of estrogen before he made this shit b. Like this nigga jus pulled up in the drive-thru n ordered the McBitch combo wit extra cheese n a Diet Aveeno. Theres a whole kaleidoscope of homoeroticness happenin rite here son. Drizzy probably crochets mittens to this shit rite here yo. This that shit Drake listens to on his lavender iPod when he usin his flyin umbrella to get from point A to point B son. Rite now…as we speak…theres probably two niggas spoonin on a beach somewhere watchin eagles soar over mountains while they listen to this shit b. This song got a damn uterus son.  This like some shit for niggas who rock Spanx b. I thought that when Wiz Khagina made Roll Up he hit us wit the softest shit of the last 5 years yo….like how was niggas gon outdo that shit? But THIS nigga done dropped the atomic bomb of baby thighs on us son. How does a nigga even listen to this shit yo? Im mad I had to hear this shit again at all yo. This nigga croonin wit his eyes closed like he tryna bring all the dolls in his room to life n shit….Nah fuck that shit son….I see a nigga listenin to this shit n Imma run up on him n explode him wit grenades b. I dont care if he drivin in a car wit his kids in it clappin they hands on some Kumbaya shit on they way to church son….I hear a nigga playin this shit in his whip n Imma pull him outta that shit n explode him wit grenades in front a his family b. Word is bond son. Anyways….I dont like this shit b.

13. President Carter – This shit is better. Sounds kinda like the joint Weezy did wit Dre a few years ago tho. But I aint mad at it. This shit got Drake’s kitten paw prints all over it too tho. But luckily it aint the super bitchmade Drake wit the apron who bakes muffins over the beat on this shit tho. These the bars Drizzy starts spittin after he spends a weekend rollin round in his chopped El Camino down south holdin other niggas guns n mean muggin muthafuckas while he drive by throwin up B’s hollerin ‘Soo Woooop’ while his security guards follow behind him so he can stay in touch wit “his roots”. In the end…the shit got a couple corny lines….but I fucks wit it.

14. Its Good (ft Jadakiss & Drake) – Aka the “warning for Hov”. I coulda sworn I was listenin to Lionel Richie’s Hello at the beginning of this shit b… Anyways tho…guess niggas needed to get some shit off they chests on this shit. The nigga Kiss aint really throw any subliminals at Jay on this joint….but he should be ashamed for cosignin this bullshit. Unless he aint kno Weezy n his bottom bitch was gon “take shots at the throne” namsayin. This nigga Drizzy usin words like “comfy” n “munchies” to get his point across n shit. Then he rhymed “faded” wit “faded” wit “faded”…which niggas jus need to stop doin in general n shit. But its funny cos when the nigga gets on his angry shit he sounds like even more of a hoe son….thats jus bein honest wit yall. Listen to this nigga son. He sound like a angry cartoon hamster or some shit my nigga. SON…you are this nigga…..

Aint nobody EVER gon be afraid of you son. Matter fact you gotta be the biggest bitch on earth to even have one hair on ya neck slighty stand up cussa some shit that this nigga Aubrey jus spit on this track while he was gettin his ferocious on. This nigga probably sneezes out gummi bears son. If you punched this nigga in his stomach it would more than likely make a squeekin sound b. Fuckouttahere wit this shit Aubs. Then the nigga Weezy gon start throwin his two cents in talmbout “I’ll take you out…thats a date nigga” n threatenin to kidnap Bey while he at it. These nigags is out they minds son. Word is bond. First off that nigga Drake already said he gon cry when Hov dies. Like you aint really got no way outta shit once you go on a song n say you gon cry when this nigga die son. Now you wanna try n massage ya way into dissin this nigga standin behind Weezy n Kiss tryin to flex ya muscles n shit fam? Nigga we done seen the pink canary n the owl tatted on ya back b. God forbid you go out in public n muthafuckas catch a upskirt n see the paw prints you got tatted up ya thighs son. N this nigga Wayne been already gone on record sayin how much he loves n adores the nigga. Now you mad? I cant listen to this fuckery no more son. Anyways how Wayne gon say “Nigga Im straight…my girl a faggot” knowin damn well that Drizzy standin rite there n heard what he said b?

15. Outro (ft. Bun B, Nas, Shyne & Busta Rhymes) – This got the same beat as the intro. Rite from the start…that nigga Bun set the bar THIS damn high…so I aint even kno if the rest a these niggas was gon be able to follow in his shoes…but niggas went in g. Ayo son…I jus wanna say I love that nigga Nas. Thats my muthafuckin man rite there yo. I missed the hunger in that nigga. N he been gettin shitted on for way too long…so its good to see my dude come alive on this shit b. This aint even the niggas lane son. But he snapped on this shit b. It aint the young Nasty Nas back all over…but son sounds hungry again at least. Salute that nigga son. Next the Black Rabbi Shyne is up to bat…..n even tho he soundin like a miniature Rawse on this shit…I aint really mad at his him. Busta does his usual Busta thing. I dont even remember the last time this nigga aint body a beat now. Its probably been a good 3 years now tho son. BUT….again its like the nigga Weezy jus said “naw wodie….Imma add my verse to this shit later…I forgot mines at home….” n then jus never did. So son let like 6 different niggas (sorry…not you Shyne…or you Aubs….n shame on you Jada) get on his album n body these beats…n he was only on one a the joints Im speakin bout. Nigga have a seat…

Bonus Tracks:

16. I Like The View – Wit all the faggotry on this album…this the joint he gon decide to leave off as a bonus track tho? I dont understand no more par. This beat goes son. I guess its whatever tho. Summa the rhymes is ass. Son talmbout “Mona Lisa smiles” n shit….word…you guessed it…Drizzy probably wrote this shit.

17. Mirror (ft Bruno Mars) – I feel like a bitch for even listenin to this whole song b. Congrats tho son…Vagina Monologues n Lilith Fair probably gon pay out the ass to get you to tour wit em nigga. This some shit for niggas who gotta apply Monistat 7 to they inflamed areas b. I dont fucks wit this shit at all yo. 

18. Two Shots – This shit sounds like it was left off the I Am Not A Human Being joint. That aint necessarily a bad thing or nothin… But I dont even really wanna keep listenin to this shit to be honest fam….Im jus gettin bored n upset now yo.

19. Up Up And Away – This joint aint on the copy that I illegally downloaded son. Judgin by the title I dont even wanna hear this shit anyways namsayin.

Thats all I got for yall niggas. Overall this shit aint really as wack as I thought it was gon be…but there aint really no stand outs on this shit other than the joints that the nigga aint even rhymin on. How does that shit even make sense fam? The fuck is this a Dre album? Did the nigga Weezy produce the beats to those joints? I dont understand what part a the game that is lord….This nigga barely deserve any respect anymore son. I use to think son caught a lot a unnecessary flack for bein overrated. But son needs to jus sit down now. This shit is mediocre as fuck b. The god givin this shit 2 Zeus slaps outta 5….n thats bein kinda generous b. But he get 5 outta 5 Drake cat paws for this shit.

Aight peace.”

– @BigGhostFase